Me, Myself, and I.... I grow weary of this.

I grow tired.

Life is slowly losing its meaning to me again. I'm falling back down into the depths from which I started. The worst part is... I don't know how to stop falling.

I don't want to date. I don't want to be sitting here alone either.

I stand alone in this... I look around and realize that everyone I know has an equal, someone to compliment them. Someone who they can talk to when they really need do, regardless of the time.

I'm wandering. Aimlessly it seems.

I guess I'm just really down lately. I went to Terrace with Nina and it was great. I really had a good time. We were able to talk, and I think thats where it got me, I was talking to someone in the flesh. I was able to vent, listen, and offer opinions. I don't seem to do that much these past few weeks.

I find I am really missing being in a relationship. I miss getting to know someone to the point where you could practically have retold their life. I miss being able to sit down and have a talk, laugh, be together. I miss coming home to someone truly special.

I don't want flings, one night stands or even false hopes at happiness. I want the real deal, someone I can spend my life with.

I just wish it were that easy...

I am looking forward to my trip. I really am. Hopefully there won't be any complications, but essentially my first goal is to get debt paid. Even if it means taking out a loan, I need to get these debts paid soon. I feel like its bringing out negativity, and I really don't need that. After my debts are cleared, I can focus on my tasks at hand.

I am trying to head uphill. I'm lifting weights, and trying to eat better. I am going to stop drinking coke. I am actually contemplating just quitting 100% and never seeing another can... but I've been warned that can have some serious health issues too.

I fear the worst for my current living situation. Upstairs is going to be wanting to make some changes to the way I do things down here, and I can't afford to allow those changes to happen... so what do I do? I'm going to be faced with a problem shortly, I know it.

My Carpal Tunnel is getting bad. I can feel it. I'm scared for what may happen. I need to cut down on World of Warcraft. I think starting tomorrow I just might. I'm limit my time a bit, try and get out more and make some progress on my life.

I so desperately need to get my life figured out. The gym didn't work, we just didn't all work at it with the dedication it needed. However, we did do a few walks, which was good. I think I may need to try a solo route for those sorts of things. We'll see what happens. I'd very much like to do the walks with others.. walking alone just doesn't work.

I know typing this makes it all emo, but it does help... thats what its here for right? My thoughts, problems and feelings, without having to bitch at someone about them. I do however, apologize to anyone reading them. I thought I was getting better too.

I do hope to figure this all out. I will still keep my eye out for that one person meant to be in my life and hope that all goes well.

Yours truly,

Ryan Last.