Madness

Ever have those sudden thoughts that maybe you aren't quite all there? That's been me tonight. For whatever reason I can't sleep - I laid down around 1:30 with my machine (CPAP machine to keep me alive) and even after 30 minutes I just wasn't able to fall asleep. It was definitely frustrating. My stomach was growling, making sure that I knew that it was hungry.

It is now a few minutes to 5:00am and I am still awake. I ate something at least, but my stomach pains are still there, hope it isn't something serious.

I feel disconnected with the world. Granted, without my phone active at the moment that makes sense. I need to get my taxes done (if they ever work, damn program) and then get my phone back online. Besides that I just feel meh... maybe its the machine, and my disappointment that its not working as flawlessly as I want - I still wake up and take it off, etc.

I need to lose some weight - I think overall that is my biggest contributor to my sudden depression. No, I am not some chronic depressed individual, but my weight is definitely making me feel pretty bad about myself. I hope to go to the track tomorrow, if the weather is nice, and try to walk off a bit.

I miss chatting to those friends that I always used to be able t talk to. I've tried, but people just don't talk back, and its sad. I've seemed to have lost some friendships in the maelstrom that is life, and I hope I can get them back soon! Even if I have to risk drowning in those torrential seas.

Time...

Never enough time...

A few days left until the wedding. Definitely stoked because my little brother is getting married and that is pretty darn important. But I don't seem to get enough time to myself. I wanted to enjoy a relaxing day, and instead I am doing daycare both Thursday and Friday. I know its selfish, considering I don't work right now, but still... I like my chances at days off.

I have been 10 days now without a single drop of coke, or caffeine. I must say that it has been pretty rough, but even now, the shakes haven't started. I do find myself quite tired a lot of the time, and my memory seems a little off lately. That being said though, I feel better about myself. I hope to see some weight leaving me as this caffeine ban progresses. That and getting out to the track helps too!

Anyways, that's about it. I am still trying to get my school shit figured out. Ugh! I need to get that done asap.

5 Days

So, here I am again writing a post...

It is good to write again because I get to write about frustrations of quitting caffeine as cold turkey as I can. I have safety nets in my fridge, all non-caffeinated but there in case I have a panic attack or something. Lord knows I am new at this, and have no idea how my body will react.

Things are alright thus far though. Headaches seem to be the worst that I have to deal with thus far. That isn't too bad. Though they are annoying. Also; lack of sleep kinda sucks too. But I keep busy and try not to sit around too much. I have been distancing myself from WoW and the computer in general the last few days. Trying to spend time at the store etc. Anything to stay busy.

Wedding is in 8 days. Frankly, I am even getting nervous. I am kinda sad at the moment though, because I would have normally been leaving Friday AM for the camping trip with Corey and the guys, but alas, income says no. That's alright though. The wedding is important.

I have been trying to think of words to offer at the wedding. I am not good at speeches and well, I want this to be special and not botch it.

We will see where this all goes. I have daycare tomorrow, and then cards tomorrow evening. It should be good. I am looking forward to getting some cards in etc. I still need to get some decks built though.

That's life. Beating this caffeine addiction will be tough, but I hope for the best.

Take care friends, til next time.

Caffeine Be Gone!

So I love this artwork, and as such thing that I will continue having it around my blog. Serra Angel by Rebecca Guay.

As the title says, I am attempting to cut caffeine and pop out of my life. Cold turkey, as hard as I can. Corey and Linda get married in under two weeks, and I need to make sure I am on the right track. That coupled with the track, should help me immensely in my battle to lose some weight. I am hopeful this time around. I will be this habit! It might take a lot out of me, but that's alright. Risk versus reward I suppose.

Monday was Brooklynn's birthday. It was nice to see her. I haven't seen her in quite some time (Steve and Anita's wedding is when I saw her last, even though I totally forgot that time I saw her! Sorry!) She is an absolute gem. So cute, and is growing so fast! Ariana is sprouting fast too! She is almost as high as my chest now, which is amazing for her age! Ariana might be a tall girl! Haha.

Magic went well, as I said before I think. I placed first in the Sealed event, and placed second this past weekend at the Release day Draft. It was a lot of fun, and I quite enjoy the prize support since I can't afford to buy the packs my own.

I have another busy week ahead of me, as I need to get things mailed off, and get some decks built for cards. So much to do, so much to do.

I am happy though, which is nice. I miss the friends I can't see, but I still maintain some happiness in the grand scheme. My brother gets married soon, and I am truly proud of him. He and Linda will be VERY happy with each other. Of course, I am jealous in a sense. He's beating me in another competition haha! But that's alright! I will survive.

So yeah, my next week might be tough, and filled with some pretty intense withdrawls, but don't worry. Be supportive. I will beat this, and then everything will be alright.

Happy days friends. Hope your lives are treating you very well! Keep me informed too! Don't be strangers. I am always around!

July 17th, 2010 - The First Day of the Rest of my Life

So, here we are, my attempt to write at least something every day. I think this will be good for me. It gives me an outlet to drop down whatever is on my mind or troubling me, or even just good things that happened. This is my outlet. With my phone I can't randomly text friends random things... not yet at least.

So today was pretty uneventful. I worked daycare for most of the day so yet again I didn't get a chance to mail my cards and everyone else's cards to get signed by our favorite Magic the Gathering artist Rebecca Guay.

Pictured above is the Serra Angle alternative artwork she did many years ago. Single handed one of my most favorite pieces of her work.

I emailed her a week ago, asking a few questions and inquiring if she did signings still, which she did! So a bunch of us have pooled our favorite cards to get signed by the aspiring artist. I can't wait. I love her artworks, and hope to one day own a few larger prints.

Went for coffee with Nina tonight too! That was a real treat as we haven't gotten much of a chance to see each other outside of the game. We bullshitted about the last couple months, the events of relationships etc and just all around had a nice chat. It was quite relaxing to actually sit down and chat with a friend.

Sunday is another Magic Tournament for the release of 2011 Core. I had the honor of placing first in the Pre-release sealed event, and hope that I can defend my winnings this weekend.

So yeah, that's about it for me. I look forward to the next adventure I get to take with my life, and really hope that this one will last. :)

Good night friends. While golf does start in an hour. (3rd round of the open) I think I will retire for the evening.

<3 Safe travels, wherever the winds take you.

A Year in Review

A disappearing act indeed.

I have been gone from the blog world for over a year. Just over 13 months actually, and what can I say... It has been a busy year.

So where do I begin? I suppose from the beginning.

School ended for my first year complete and I began work again at the School District Maintenance department. That was always a blast. My bank account always enjoyed having the work since it was good paying.

The big event of the summer was the wedding of Steve and Anita Eso. Two of my best friends came together in marriage, and I couldn't have been happier. I brought Aggro down from the big bad evil Prince George, to attend the wedding with me. It was a good opportunity for her to see Prince Rupert again as it had been many years since she was back in Rupert to see the ocean and the lovely town that I call home.

Of course, all was not well with the decision. I guess the heavens were looking down and deemed it as a bad thing. The after effects of the trip down for the wedding resulted in relationships ending, and a friendship shattered as a result. I do still to this day blame myself for the failings of your relationship Aggro. I am sorry that things happened the way they did. Hopefully in time you can forgive me and we can at least chat again sometime. It has been far too long since we've even said anything more than Hi.

I found myself in a relationship shortly after. That last under February. During the time I learned a lot about myself. I know how much I want a family, and found myself quite attuned to her 2 daughters as the relationship progressed. I attended PALS sessions as the eldest daughter started kindergarten. It was a good time, and I found myself quite happy for the most part.

Of course, not everything is happy go lucky and sun-shining rainbows. School coupled with constant arguments about time spending issues etc brought the downfall of the relationship. It was unfortunate, but for the best. I finished school and have my associate of arts degree now. Next on the list is 3rd year via Thompson Rivers University.

I have taken up a job tutoring in September. Essentially I will be tutoring First Nation Adults that are returning to the classroom in search of their dogwood. It is a very good experience for me, and gives me the chance I need to get teaching people under my belt.

So yeah, all in all things have been already. I've had myself a lovely relationship in which I considered myself happy. Though it didn't work out I am still happy I gave it a shot. Better to have loved and lost than never loved before, right?

As for my life now. It is what it is. Corey gets married here in a few weeks, and I have realized that I need to change my lifestyle around so that I am working out, or at least going for a run or SOMETHING that will get me into shape. After that, I suppose I'll need to seek out some form of relationship again, as the lonely nights do tend to suck.

So, that's me, and that's where I have been. I've been missing some major details I am sure, but that's okay! I will try and write a bit more as time passes, and a bit more frequently as I want to start putting a bit more effort and emotion into this.

Til then my friends,

It is good to be home.

The Good Things in Life

Well, its been a little while since I've done an update, but a lot has happened in the past month that warrants an update.

Where to start is always the problem.

First off, I guess I can say that the countdown is on. Steve and Anita are getting married in a little over a month and a half and I am thoroughly excited. Granted, I am also excited because I get to have the most wonderful woman on the face of the planet by my side. (Not that it is a competition) Furthermore, I am just all around excited that you are coming to visit. Even if it is just for a day or two, that's enough for me! I think you'll really like Rupert, if you can't remember much from the past time you were here.

So, that's the huge piece of upcoming news. I am really excited about, and it has me in a pretty darn good mood all around.

I got back from PG last week. I spent about a week and a half there, visiting R, and getting to know R's roommate a bit better too! Always nice to meet new people, and the PG crew is pretty cool! I miss the drama-free (for the most part :P) fun that they are able to have. It is a nice change of pace. Not to say that we aren't without drama these days... but yeah...

Hopefully all is well in PG now though, I hope me staying the amount of time I did, didn't have any negative impact on anything... I always worry, you know.

I had a lot of fun though. VGL (Video Games Live) was simply amazing, and though I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to wear a costume, I survived. Next time I'll get a bit more planning done and ensure that I have a costume. Huzzah! :)

I got to experience a murder mystery. R and S hosted one, and it went flawlessly. I had an absolute blast, and got to kill someone to boot! We got to have some neat new food (and drinks) that I've never had before, and yeah... it was wicked.

So, as you can see, life in general is just good, ok... better than good, but yeah!

All three Kristin's are gone... which is sad. But at least I know one will be back, which makes me happy. I miss my Kristin time!

I gotta register for school pretty quick here! Got my classes picked out, just gotta get it registered and then apply for student loans again etc. So much to do, but I'll have my associate of arts degree at the end of the year! Huzzah!

So yeah, its late... I should go to bed. Just figured I'd give an update on the life as it goes on.

I'll try and write a better update another night, when my mind focuses better.

Best of luck friends, in whatever you do.

Ryan