Seriously...

What am I doing? Seriously!

I sit here and mope, pout and bitch because the world won't work the way I want it to. How the fuck is this beneficial to me? Its bad enough I am withering away, and my health is on a steady decline... yet I still find time to push that aside and bitch about why I am sitting here lonely, and why I am not making moves to change that.

This is a useless, viscious circle that I've gotten myself into. Making progress, and then taking it away from myself by being an idiot. For fuck sakes, what is the use!

I sat up til 4:30am last night feeling sorry for myself because I didn't go out after my raid. But why should I feel sorry for myself, when I am the one who stayed in... like... bah! Add insult to injury, went and looked at all those happy faces from the pictures that are up from Rain. Assaulting myself mentally afterwards trying to get a solid reason out of myself as to why I am not there, enjoying the night, having fun and doing something.

It is raining now, which I believe is a direct result of my present mood. I am on the verge of just stopping completely. This is stupid. I am tired of it all, and don't know what to do to remedy it.

Do I move away? Do I just start going out on my own? Do I quit what I am doing now to make more room? Do I get out of my current living situation?

I wish the answers came easier.

God I am so tired of this.

/wrists.