Judgement Day...

So, everything I've prepared myself for mentally is for this day. Well, probably the next day, since I doubt my meeting with You know who will happen tonight. I'm filled with too many emotions that it hurts. Jealousy, Nervousness, and as much as I don't want to admit it... Anger. Why anger you ask? Well, why not. In my head, I am stuck with the images of the events that will unfold over the next 5 days... That makes me mad. While in my heart, I know nothing I can say or do, is going to change She's undying urge to be with Him, by the way she says she talks about him, by how happy she seems most of the time (unless she's talking to me), and of course, the fact that I'm still sitting here alone.

Whatever happens, I should be happy for l. Though it kills me to know that I've lost her for good. Just by the words she said when we were talking this afternoon, I know there is nothing left for me with her, and that makes me sad. Forgive me if I touch on this issues more than once in my blogging, its quite a serious issue to me.

So, here we go. Tonight I go to the bowling alley with the gang. I'm excited about that, I want to be happy again. I only wish I did this more when I still had reason to be truly happy.

If you truly love someone, you would be willing to take whatever the good spirits deal to you to ensure that the one you love is happy. I cannot be told I don't love someone to the depths of my heart, if I am willing to see them be with another man, to ensure that they are happy, safe and alive. When I think this to myself, everything gets better. I love/loved Insert Name, regardless what she thinks, regardless what has happened between us, and regardless what will happen over the next few days. I may have lost her to another, for better or worse, but I will always hold her dear within my heart.

Spirits, be with her this night, keep her safe.

-Ryan Last, Exiled.