The Next Day.

Well, I made it through that night, and I woke up to boot. /selfcongrats. I ended my evening with an email to , which, to my happiness, was replied to, upon waking up this morning.

I asked her to explain things, and she did, in quite a bit of detail. It seems she has been quite unhappy. Since about our time in Prince George. Now, in a way, this makes me feel horrible. How can one person live with this kind of pain for a year and a half, and not do something about it? In a way, I'm glad she endured it, because it left her with a great person to turn to now. Evin will be good for her, as far as I can see, there is potential for her with him and I couldn't be happier. She tied up some knots for me, and let me know what went wrong for her.

What can I say! I enjoy my games, too much it seems. Because of that, it has costed me the greatest thing in my life. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not out. I have gone and cancelled one of my accounts, and stopped raiding (I gave my hiatus post earlier this morning). This will be good. I am going to change my life around, and see what happens. I'm going to be more social, I'm going to start running, and eating healthier. For instance, today Monday, November 13th, 2006 will be my last day of drinking coke, with the exception of alcoholic beverages, which I am going to start drinking again. I am looking forward to these changes. By stopping raiding, I can slowly kill off my gaming altogether. I'll still have my PS2, and Final Fantasy XII, but it is a lot easier to tear myself away from that, as it is to tear myself from WoW.

To my friends, I apologize for the drama this could potentially bring forth. Losing WoW, and Coke, and is going to be life-threatening to say the least. A deadly combo for any gamer.


Back to the email. It gave me a brief timeline of the problems we had. It seems played WoW to get me to notice her more, and that just crushes me inside to know that I was that blind! Seriously, you have a gorgeous woman, with a fantastic mind, and potential for anything, sitting right next to you, and you can't notice her?! Fuck Ryan, give your head a shake, you screwed up bigtime here, and you have noone to blame but yourself. You screwed up to the point where there is no return, and she left you. Get on with your life. Or end it. Whatever works.

Its 9:00am, Im rambling a bit here, going from place to place, for that I apologize. I really should get a hold on my thoughts, but there is only so much room in this head.

I sit here and write this, in a bit worse of a mood than when I wrote my reply to 's reply. I could probably give in to my emotions and have a muched needed "emo" moment, but that would do no good. I'm glad she told me the full truth though, it lets me know what the hell I've done wrong, and how I've hurt her so much. I can only hope, no. There is no hope, I WILL never let this happen again to any relationship I am in. I refuse to let someone become hurt like . Never again!

I am going to enjoy this day off. I am going to go back to bed for a bit, then probably go for a much needed walk. Cool myself off, collect my thoughts, yadda yadda. From there, who knows. I may put some more time into this execise bike that left here for now. I need to get back into shape anyways.

In conclusion, I've learned that I have problems, and I intend to address them, deal with them, nay, conquer them, and find happiness. Though it may require me to travel the world, I won't let myself hurt anyone else.

May god be my witness, , I am truly sorry for what I've done, and my only hope is that after all is said and done, you find happiness with , then it will be worth it. Worth the wasted time with someone who hurt you so, to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care world, I shall be back.

-Ryan Last, Exiled.