The Story Begins.

Well, I must admit I never thought I'd ever make a blog, but after thinking, it does give me a type of emotional outlet to get these horrible thoughts out of my head. The last few weeks have been nothing but hell in a cell for me. While dealing with the ever painful loss of my beloved , I am now starting a new job, and need to work hard to get a good first impression. We shall see how that goes.

It hurts. Thats about all I can say on the subject with . I never thought it would happen. I would fall asleep thinking of the fun we could have together, traveling the world, enjoy life to its fullest... in time. Time, my mortal enemy, striving to drive a wedge in between me and my happiness, has succeeded in taking me down. What I thought was forever, turned out to be disappointment, as we have gone our seperate ways. How? She was unhappy... You ask why she was unhappy? Well, unfortunately, I am still a little unclear on it. We seem to have hit a bump, that left staying up til the wee hours of the night, chatting with friends from World of Warcraft, while I slept to get ready for work. Now, I have my theories on how her unhappiness got brought into light, but I won't state those here. I wish I could go back into time, and remedy whatever ailed , and brought about her unhappiness, but I cannot. I try to move on, but again, I cannot. It hurts.

I was happy, I really was, but unfortunately, the world cannot be happy at the same time as me. That is the theory that whomever resides within my head thought up. Because I thought I was actually happy, something had to happen to balance that out, thus, became unhappy, and needed to get away. Either works.

So, here I sit, in a cold empty basement suite, lonely as ever, wondering what will become of my life, and how I will make it through each day. Loki sleeps at my feet, as a constant reminder, that I can be happy, even in solitude. It is going to be a hard, long road. People assure me I can make it, and as time passes wounds heal. I wish I could believe that. I look up at the picture of and I, a picture that I am actually smiling in, one of those "Nothing else could be better" type of smiles that is rarely seen on my face, and I wonder where it all went wrong.

It seems I dwell on things too much. I am going to try to continue on, get through one day at a time. I suppose work, cards, and hockey will help, but I doubt it will be enough.

I sit here and come to the conclusion that I really am quite "emo". Hell, I just need to start cutting myself, and I'm on a whole new level. Down the tracks, not across right?

Ohh well. Besides dealing with the toughest loss I've ever have to deal with, I suppose I'm doing alright. My new job is going great, I really like working at the school. That and now I can make most of my raids in WoW, and still talk with my friends.

I think I'm going to try and be a bit more social. There is a welcoming party at Jon/Nina's on Saturday, and I really would like to attend, its been a LONG time since I was social on that kind of level, and really think it would be a good idea. However, I am torn. is bringing in a friend of hers , from somewhere down in the southern states. Now, as I stated before, in my theories, part of me thinks said individual might've played a key role in what I considered happiness, to come crashing down. Regardless, he is coming to visit, and I want him to be recieved well by my friends, and friends. I want them to like him, despite the way I feel about him, so I've opted to bow out of the festivities. However, I think if I did, I would live to regret it, so chances are I will be attending on Saturday night.

Finally getting the suite cleaned up, I've procrastinated long enough, and with noone to rub that procrastination off onto nomore, I have no choice but to start cleaning. Laundry is taking its time, but it is nearly done. took her clothes home, so there really isn't much left in this house.

I went to watch Hockey tonight, I was really glad I did. It was nice to get out and see some old hockey friends. Hopefully I'll be playing next week.

Looking at this, I think I've hit all the key points that have been depressing me so much these past weeks. I wish I could turn back time, but in the end, I think the unhappiness started early, and well.. I really don't want to turn back time that far. I will miss you , and I must say, it would pain me greatly if you did end up with someone from online, and moreso if said individual did infact break us apart, but it is in the past, one of those forgive and forget type things.

I wish you the best in the world , and if you ever need anything let me know. I hope you know I was happy until the day we parted, which I think makes it all more painful. You went from unhappy to happy, I went the opposite, which is probably why I feel the way I do still. Of course, I still won't show any emotion in public.



Good night my friends, thank you for reading my first blog post ever.

Sincerely,

Ryan Last, Exiled.